Turks and Caicos

 I had been in and out of the hospital for almost six months, survived a heart attack and a stroke so a much-needed break was in place. I had not been on an aircraft since March and I was itching to go somewhere. I had an appointment with my oncologist and had some scheduled labs. Everything checked out fine. I had not had a blood transfusion in three weeks and my body was doing well on its own.   My immune system was almost back to normal and was not high risk for a cold or any virus

I told Dr A about my plans for some Caribbean waters and she was in full support. She felt I needed the break and cautioned me not to travel too far away and to keep it short, maybe a weekend getaway.  I still had weekly appointments with the clinic so there were only a few days to play with.  I decided to select somewhere close because I was not going without Elijah.  I wanted to go somewhere I was familiar with and also somewhere with good healthcare (just in case).  Saint Lucia was out of the question for many reasons and not for a weekend.  I was not ready for Saint Lucia just yet.

I decided to visit one of my closest friends in Turks and Caicos. I mentioned to her that I was looking for a quick getaway and she was not having it any other way. She had baby sitters lined up and waiting, but I planned on going with a friend in any case, to help me during the trip. I was not strong enough to care or travel with Eli on my own and leaving him behind was not an option.

The flight on American Airlines from Atlanta to Miami was a breeze. Elijah was perfect, he slept throughout and that was great. We had a short layover and then boarded the flight to Turks and Caicos. He was a bit fussy and restless but he eventually fell asleep. This was his first flight since arriving five months ago.  I ensured that he was sucking on a bottle or a pacifier during takeoff and landing to avoid any discomfort with his ear. He was given water throughout the flight as well.  He is a healthy boy and we did not expect any issues but was prepared.

Happy Eli

I have learnt so much about traveling with a baby but did not want to overdo it. I had enough food to feed a small army, clothes and diapers for one month.  Medicines in case anything happens, insect repellant sunscreen and the works. Elijah was ready for the tropics. I was so over prepared but I learnt my lesson and the next trip would be easier.

Less than two hours later, the pilot announced that we were about to land and I was so very excited.  Elijah woke up just then and fretted a little. He then puked all over my grey maxi dress.  I was so relieved that I did not wear that beautiful white sundress that I had intended to. Second lesson, never travel in white with small children.  While filling out the immigration forms and was looking for a place to include Eli, however there was none. I went up to the immigration officer and he told me that Elijah needs his own form. Really? Why can’t kids under five be added to their parent’s form?  I need to start a petition. I had to go at the back of the room to find a form and fill it out for Elijah.  After immigration we picked up our luggage and waited for the stroller.  After a ten minutes wait I asked about the stroller. I was told that the strollers are sent out last. Really? What kind of system is this? The stroller was taken at plane side but is sent in last with the luggage. All the passengers were just standing there waiting for over half hour. Petition number two!  Strollers should be sent out first.  Strollers arrived and we picked up ours and ready to hit customs. The line was ridiculously long as we wasted so much time waiting for the stroller.  We had nothing to declare so did everyone else. Petition number three. There should be a separate line for passengers with small children.

We finally got through and ready to hit the beach. Beth was outside waiting for us and I was so excited to be out and about. No blood transfusions, no clinics, no lumbar punctures. Just Elijah, the beach lots of seafood and me. We were ready to just chillax.

TCI as it is called is a beautiful chain of islands just a few miles from the Bahamas. Providenciales the capital and the most populated island is approximately 38 square miles.

This was not my first time to the island and I have been drawn by the beautiful beaches in Turks. Grand Turk, Middle and North Caicos are two smaller islands not as developed as Providenciales but definitely uniquely beautiful.

Our first stop was Boogaloos! Great restaurant right on the beach. First Beth took Eli out to the clear blue beautiful water that Turks is well known for.  That was his introduction to the beautiful ocean. The water was so warm, I wanted to jump in but we just allowed Eli to get his feet wet. We were here for a few days and would have more time for the beach, it was now time to indulge in the scrumptious seafood on the beautiful island of Turks and Caicos.  Boogaloos is well known for serving fresh seafood. They serve the tastiest conch salad, so fresh that you can watch your conch come from the ocean and eventually on your plate. Did I mention that the Turks and Caicos is home to the world’s only conch farm.  After lunch it was time for a nap, we had an early morning flight and were all tired from the long day.

Eli testing the water

The nap lasted till the next morning. Yes, we were tired.  We started the day with an awesome breakfast from Casa De Beth, sitting on the patio, watching the beautiful ocean. Breakfast lasted about three hours then it was time to hit the beautiful expanse of Grace Bay Beach.  Grace Bay beach by far is one of the most stunning in the Caribbean.  Clear blue, perfect temperature water. We have friends at the Seven Starts Resort so this was our base for the day. Absolutely beautiful resort and highly recommended if your budget can afford. It is also a great place for family travel.

Ready for the beach

Lunch was Kalokee’s, another awesome restaurant with mouthwatering food.  Garry the great waiter served the signature drink “Happy”. I had the grilled snapper with roast corn and plantains with rice and peas.  The baby back ribs are also a lip-smacking choice, overall everything on the menu was excellent. I had an abundance of fruity drinks that Eli enjoyed as well.

Usually when I travel, my aim is to “eat like a local” I tend to visit the local restaurants and try to stay out of the hotels unless there is a highly recommended restaurant.  Typically, visiting an island, it’s about your ability to interact with the people, learning of their history, these islands are as rich in culture as they are in beauty. And the food is to die for. You can always guarantee that the seafood is fresh as the catch of the day is normally delivered by the local fisherman.

The trip was short but well deserved and I will definitely do it again.  If you love the beach, want to be at one with nature then Turks and Caicos is a great place to visit. The Belongers are very hospitable and welcoming and the seafood, hmmm…. is flavorful and great!!!!

Thanks for reading and see you on my next adventure.

Turks and Caicos

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Remission

Eli and Mommy

The disease called Cancer can take so much away from you but you have to have the fighting spirit.  You cannot just depend on the medical field, you have to have that internal fighting spirit and prayers.  I believe in prayers and that it makes a difference.  My diagnosis came as a surprise to me and I always believed that I would be ok.  I had that gut feeling that I would be fine.

I stayed at Emory for another ten days and then came back again for the third intravenous chemotherapy session.  Everything went well and I would be home after the seven (7) days.  My immune system was low but getting back to a normal person.  Chemotherapy kills every cell in your body, god and bad, hopefully all new cells would be growing cancer free.

When I thought all was going well, I got a fever again and then had to be readmitted.  The doctors could not find the infection and was worried.  They had to remove the port eventually as it looked like the port was infected.  I was happy that they found the infection but happier the removed the port. I had to be reminded that I was not totally healed, but just the port was being removed.

Anyone with a port would understand the joy that comes after having your port removed.  You can now take a shower, wear any blouse and did I mention enjoy a shower.  After 4 months I was able to jump in a shower and just wet every inch of my body.  The little things you miss or take for granted is just amazing when you are able to get it back.  I’m sure there are places in this world where individuals can’t take a shower every day, now I feel blessed that I was able to.

The doctors visited me and told me that I would soon be discharged as the infection was gone and the fever had not returned in 48 hours.  Yes that shower did the trick.  I know it did.  I was in good spirits and felt healthy, I was eating a bit more and feeling less nauseous.  I was feeling like a normal person again.  I did not have to wear the masks as much anymore and I was able to do so much on my own.

My next appointment would be crucial as I had to be strong enough to start the maintenance.  That would be two years of taking the oral chemo and a mixture of other medications.  Two straight years of medications.  The doctor reminded me that absolutely no alcohol, not even a little wine with dinner? Nothing, not a drop.  At that exact moment I had such a urge for a glass of Moscato, or Rose, even merlot that I don’t care too much for.  You see, I’m not a drinker and I may drink a glass of wine every two months but just being told I could touch it, gave me the urge to have some.  Funny how our minds work.

I had a few strands of hair on my hair until my husband said it was time to shave it all off.  It was a good feeling.  I was healing.  The old hair was gone and I looked forward to the new growth. I felt like a new person as the new cells was also growing in my body.  I would take this opportunity to take care of me and always put Me first.  Being diagnosed with cancer allows you to take a look at your priorities in life and set goals for your future.

I had a second chance to be happy and live my life to the fullest.  Stress and negativity would be thrown out the window, but I had to get used to the bald head.

I looked funny with no hair, or eye brows and very few strands of eye lashes.  My husband asked me if I would get wigs or head ties.  I thought about it and decided to wear hats if I needed to but will wear my bald head proudly.  It signified a new life for me.

My weekly appointments would be changed to monthly if my body was healing as needed and I was ready.  My next appointment was due and I went to get lab work done and then the doctor.  My results were good.  I had no more Lumbar punctures scheduled, no more intravenous chemo, no more biopsies.  I was healing.  The doctor also advised me that I was in remission as there were no cancer cells in all my lab work.  I said a quiet prayer and the tears just came flowing.  Yes I was in remission.  I would now be put on the maintenance plan and my weekly visits would be monthly.  I cannot describe my happiness to you.  I just wanted to go home and hug my little Eli, who had missed so much of his mommy attention.  I can now give so much more that a baby needs.

My prescription was sent to the pharmacy and I had a session with the Doctor’s PA to schedule my monthly appointments and also my medicine management.  I need a manager for my medicine, wow it was so much.  All was well and I was looking forward to my new life.  Just before I was finished with doctor’s meetings I asked a very important question.  Can I travel?  She said yes but very short trips……..

Well that did it.  I was planning my next trip.

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Round Two – Chemo

Eli and mommy

My 30-day period at Emory hospital was finally over and I could now go home for a few days to recuperate.  I would be home for two weeks and then return to continue treatment, that would bring to early May. While I was at home, I had to visit the Emory clinic twice a week for blood transfusions and other procedures.  Two of those procedures were a lumbar puncture and bone marrow biopsy.  The bone marrow biopsy was easy but the lumbar puncture had the most painful after effect I ever experienced.  I suffered spinal headaches or the headache from hell.  I could not sleep, walk or even stand due to that excruciating headache.  Although I drank lots of fluid before the LP which is highly recommend, it still gave me the most unbearable headache.  In two weeks I was due back at Emory to continue my treatment and surprisingly, I was actually looking forward to it, anything to stop that headache

A port was inserted in my chest, in order to continue my treatment and I cried all the way to the hospital for the outpatient procedure. I wept because the spinal headache seemed like a permanent fixture as it literally started in my back and travelled to my head and was ticking loudly.   When I arrived in admissions, to start my second round of treatment, I was in so much pain that I was asked to drink coke.  Apparently the caffeine helps the headache, so I drank as much as I could.

I did not get my old room with a view on the hematology floor but I looked forward to see my favorite nurses.  I was eager to start the treatment which included another dreaded lumbar puncture. Have I explained what a LP is?  (Well a tiny puncture is made in the lower part of your spine and a needle is inserted to draw the spinal fluid and then replace that fluid with a cocktail of chemotherapy.)  The fluid is then tested for cancer cells.  I indicated to the doctor that I was not mentally and physically ready for another LP.  I still had pain from the last one. They decided to do the LP 5 days later and also put me on caffeine pills to help with the headache…… You mean I could have had caffeine pills from day one?

Day one of treatment started well and we all anticipated it would continue that way.  I received a cocktail of chemotherapy in the morning and in the evening.  The treatment was very aggressive and I was just happy it was working.  One of Eli’s Godmother had arrived to care for him while I was going through my treatment.  I was truly blessed to have numerous loved ones.  I would be at Emory for about 8 days and then go home.

My other two girlfriends and another of Eli’s God mother had also made plans to be with us in May so my husband and I decided that we should christen Eli then.  This was something I was really looking forward to.  While in the hospital we made all the arrangements with our church and the caterer.  Elijah would be christened with friends and family as soon as I got discharged from the hospital. Due to the short notice, everyone would be invited via texts and phone calls.  We planned on having a lunch after the church service, something small as we could not anticipate my condition after chemotherapy.

I was elated about   planning the christening/luncheon as it gave me something to do while the treatment was being administered. Hospitals can be lonely and overbearing so it is always wise to have something to focus on instead of the reason why you are hospitalized.

My hair was finally coming off, everywhere at lightning speed except on my head for now.  Yup, wherever hair is grown, the chemotherapy takes it away.  It felt like you’re getting a daily Brazilian wax. The hair was dropping in little patches all over. I looked like a hairless cat with a bad shaving job. The treatments were completed and 8 days came and gone quite quickly. I had no serious side effects except the puking, darkened finger and toe nails, and lack of energy.  The nurses ensured thay you exercise though, one mile a day round the nurse’s station. That was my daily exercise routine and I’m happy I adherred to it. My vitals were checked every eight hours, weight, temperature and oxygen level.   I was doing well and was ready to go home.  I had no appetite and could only handle a smoothie or a milk shake, everything else upset my stomach but I was strong and ready to go home to my Eli.

I was happy to be home with Eli and Agnes, my girlfriend/sister.  She took the motherly role to care for Eli and myself.  She said I needed to rest but I wanted to do everything.  Her goal was to make me eat as she noticed the weight was dwindling off me. I wanted to do everything, (mentally ), but physically I just wanted to curl up in a bed and sleep for a few days.  I was feeling so drained but I had to be strong as that’s what everyone kept on telling me. I could not show weakness, not at all.

All arrangements were in place for the christening and I decided that I needed some me time.  I wanted a mani and pedi but decided against it as my immune system was very low and I did not want to get sick.  I decided to get my hair shampooed though as my hair needed some TLC.  I called my hair dresser and she was happy to get me in when the salon was empty.  She did not know that I was sick just wanted to get me in and out as quickly as possible.  I wanted to look healthy at the christening for my friends and family that would be in attendance.

My me day arrived and my husband dropped me off at the salon.  I was just so excited to get my hair done.   I mentioned to her that I have been sick and undergoing chemotherapy so some hair may fall out.  She indicated that she noticed the port and suspected something was going on.  She recommended a certain treatment and we went to the shampoo bowl. While sitting in the shampoo bowl, I noticed the hair dresser’s face looked worried.  We chatted and chatted while she shampooed my hair.  I then sat in her chair so she could style my hair.  She looked worried but did not say anything , but I did see the chunks of hair in the towel.  She did not want me to see the hair that was dropping off.  She combed my hair as usual and when I looked in the mirror, I went into complete shock, I cried and cried.  it wasn’t about my hair falling off because my hair was falling off in chunks, but I cried because it finally dawned on me that I was really sick.  I finally looked like a sick cancer patient.  I could not hold back the tears anymore and was just bawling in the salon.  I called my husband to come pick me up and I could hardly utter two words, but he understood and came to pick me up.  My me day ended up being the most depressiing day since I had been diagnosed.

My husband came to pick me up with Agnes and Eli and when Agnes saw my face she understood completely.  She told me that I looked nice and that was just a reason to start bawling again.  I could not hold back, think I had a meltdown.  I had to let everything out, my mom’s passing especially as I don’t think I had grieved as yet.  Eli was my distraction for grieving for my mom but now with me looking sick, I could not handle it.  Both Agnes and my husband tried to console me but there was pent up tears and frustration that had to come out.

I think I went into a depression mode for a minute.  The sight and smell of food brought me to the toilet and I just wanted to curl up in a bed and sleep.  Agnes told me that I should cancel the lunch and just go ahead with the christening.  I think that’s what woke me up.  This would be Elis’s day and I would not stop it.  I told her I wanted to have the luncheon to celebrate Eli and he won’t be short changed because of my illness.  Day by day I started getting out of my depression with Agnes’ help and companionship.  The other girls arrived, Ingrid and Marie Ange and they all really took over.  They had a routine going on, who would clean, who would cook, who would have Eli in the morning and wake up for the nightly feedings.  They just took over and did everything.   I watched in amazement how my friends truly loved and cared for me.  They took time out of their busy schedule, vacation away from their family and paid their own way to come care for me. I was truly blessed and yes there is a God.  My mom taught me well because without her foundation, I would not have such loving caring people in my life.

The christening day came and we were ready.  Eli had his handsome suit that would be a onetime wear.  The child was growing like weed.  He was blessed with three God mothers and a God father.  I was happy that we did not cancel.  It took me forever to get ready as I would not find the perfect hat.  I had to cover my head because I believe it would be a distraction to the congregation.  Yup, the hair was going slowly. We had a beautiful celebration in church and everyone came to support Eli.  After church we went home to continue the celebration with a scrumptious lunch.  I had to take a nap before lunch because chemo really is.tough.  This thing drains your body.  I was now feeling the effect of it and I probably need a blood transfusion as well because I was so weak.  Eli had a beautiful day with family and friends.  Everyone who we invited came to support us.  We had so much food and the food was really tasty, everyone was gone by six pm and it was a beautiful day. Eli was now christened and I was happy that I was there and have the strength to go through it.

It would soon be time for my third and last chemotherapy period at Emory.  The last week of May was creeping on us and  I was not looking forward to it.  After this last stint, I would be put on a maintenance plan for the next two years, but before that I still had to complete two more lumbar punctures. I was not looking forward to taking meds for two years straight but if that’s what would cure me, I would compy like white on rice.  I just wanted that evil disease to be out of me.  My mom would always say this, it breaks my heart that she was never able to be healed or healed the way we wanted.  God healed her in his way with no suffering.  I got readmitted for my last stint.  This last period was a bit harsh, the side effects from the chemotherapy was in full swing.  The nausea, constipation and loose bowel, yes you can have both.  The darkened nails, the darkened skin and the hairless body, the sensitivity to light and the blurred vision.   I was so over just being sick.  I took my week of poison very well and was being monitored round the clock.  The nurses at Emory are always on point and I was very happy that they took such good care of me. I kept my hair tied all during the time and did my exercise routine when I could.  I was just counting the days to go home and recuperate.  It is always so nice to be in your environment and your own bed.

I got discharged on a Friday and was felling so well.  I decided to attend church service and say  hello to all the people who had been praying for me.  It was so nice to be out as the only place I had been since the end of March was in and out of the hospital clinic.  After church we went home to relax and entertain Eli.  My week was going well until the following Sunday after church.  I was now home for two weeks and was enjoying it.  I was feeling sluggish but being tired is one of the many symptoms you get from the treatment.  On Sunday after church service I started feeling more and more energy deprived. was freezing inside but the temperature was only 72 inside.  I was also so very sleepy and fell asleep on the chair for a few hours.  I had no appetite as always but this one felt worse.  My husband took my temperature and it was ok, nothing to call the doctor as yet.  The next morning I was due to visit the clinic for the usual check up, blood work and transfusion.   I felt   horrible, very weak and could barely see.  I even thought I was losing my sight, could barely keep my eyes open as it also felt like there were pebbles in it when I blinked.  My husband had to help me bathe and get dressed because I could not stand on my own.  I arrived at the clinic and they literally had to put me in a wheel chair.  I could not walk as my knees felt soppy .   I went straight to get my lab work done and the blood transfusion would be after I visited the doctor.  The Doctor’s visit did not go very well.  My temperature was 103 and my heart rate was not very strong.  I was rushed to the hospital and started on fluids and steroids.  I had an infection and that was not very good in my condition.  For four days my temperature was going up and down and the doctors could not find the source of the of the infection.  I was not doing very well and yes I was scared. The illness was really taking its toil but I was not losing faith.  God does not give us more than we can handle and he is the ultimate healer.  I was not giving up, my Eli needed me and i know that he was put in my life for a reason.

The journey continues.

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Ready for chemo

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Getting the diagnosis from the Doctor had not sank in yet.  I was both shocked and very confused at the same time.  The diagnosis must be wrong because there is no way I could have cancer.  My mom passed away less than two months ago and now I have to tell my family that I’m stricken with the disease as well.  This was not happening to me, not when I have a brand new baby to care for. My Eli needs me.

I got transferred to Emory hospital the same evening of my diagnosis. The team at Eastside Medical had already made all the arrangements.  My husband arrived just before the transportation came to transfer me. It was a bit surreal as the Doctor indicated I had to start chemotherapy right away.  Chemotherapy…. Hmmmm!! I had such a huge issue with my mom doing chemotherapy because I felt it would make her sicker and weaken her body, but she was adamant.  Now I am in the hot seat and that’s my lifesaver.  Would the chemotherapy have saved my mom, given the opportunity?  Was I being a hypocrite now that my life depended on it? This was just so much to digest.  I needed my mom at this very moment and she was never going to be around.  She would not be there to help me go through chemotherapy, she was not going to be there throughout this ordeal, but deep down I know that she’d be there with me in spirit.

I began to feel all alone in this nightmare because no one can replace a mother’s unconditional love. My mind was going at the speed of the energizer bunny.  I had to relax because I felt I was going crazy.  I’m in an ambulance so I might as well enjoy the ride.  Yes, I’m in a freaking ambulance, the second one in two days, and trying to tell myself to relax.  The EMT was monitoring the blood transfusion quietly while asking me to relax as my pressure was on the rise and for an entire minute I forgot where I was. I felt I was in there for hours, how long is that drive anyway?  He indicated we were almost there.

We finally arrived at the hospital at approximately 1:15 am.  I was met by my nurse Miss M, my room was ready and I was wheeled right into room E623, hematology leukemia.  That would be my room for the next 30 days.  It was frightening but I felt so comfortable with my nurse that I began to relax.  Doctors came and spoke to me for a while.  My assigned doctor was DR A, and I was told that she was one of the best in her field.  She had left for the day but was on the phone with the nurses giving instructions and taking care of me.  I was tired, mentally and physically.  I had not had a good night’s sleep for over a week and I was not sure if could sleep.  Waking every half hour to visit the bathroom was tiring.  As much as I was receiving blood and platelets, I was passing it out as fast as it was being administered.  Apparently I was DIC.  What is DIC?  (Disseminated Intravascular Coagulopathy). A complex life threatening condition that causes a hypercoagulative state.   This just means I was bleeding excessively. That was not a good thing as the bleeding had to be under control as it affected my pressure and my heart rate.  I had been bleeding for over a week now and it was crucial to my survival that the bleeding was brought under control.

The nurses at Emory were just amazing.  The night shift left and I was introduced to my day nurse Miss K.  Miss K was born to be a nurse, so caring, she just made you feel at ease.  She explained all my medications and was so positive, I wanted her to just stay with me.  She made sure I ordered my breakfast as she could see how weak and pale I was.  I had no appetite but I had to eat.  My husband was at my side throughout the night.  I was happy he got to rest as this had to be hard for him as well. The nurse popped in to give me meds and the nurse tech came to check my vitals, what seemed like every two hours.  My room was also very close to the nurse’s station.  I was happy that I made it through the night but again I was still drained from the lack of sleep and from the bleeding.

My first morning at Emory and I felt very comfortable after meeting with my Dr.  We discussed my diagnosis, the type of leukemia I had was Acute promyelocytic leukemia (APL) a cancer of the white blood cells.  One of the issues with APL was serious blood clotting or bleeding issues, which is what I was at the moment experiencing. A plan was laid out to start on a cocktail of chemotherapy, tretinoid and a bone marrow biopsy and some lumbar punctures some time later.  I did not have to go through the bone marrow biopsy as I arrived already diagnosed. I had to spend a total of 30 days at the hospital, yes 30 days. Followed by three stints of 7 day periods to continue chemotherapy.

It was scary, and yes indeed I was terrified with good reason. Saw how my mom dwindled before she passed in such a short space of time so yes I was scared stiff.  I was very concerned about Eli, I had to be there for him so I prayed and called on my mom to help me.  I believed that my mom had a hand to play in us getting Eli and she would help me get better to take care of my baby.

This illness proved to me how blessed I was.  While I was listening to the Dr about my treatment plan, my network of girlfriends (who are my family) and my family had taken control of the situation in every way they could.  First they called my sister Chris and had her to arrange travel plans.  They then called her manager requesting time off on her behalf.  They got together and decided who would pay, utility bills who would help with groceries and keep an eye on her kids. These arrangements were made in order that I would have someone to take care of Eli.  My sister arrived from Saint Lucia three (3) days after I was diagnosed and cared for Eli. She was there for one month and then there would be a rotation of girlfriends who would be there while I did chemotherapy, so my little Eli would not have to move around too much.   I knew then that I would be ok.  God don’t give you more than you could handle and he was showing me that I would be ok.  I was truly blessed and a true testament that God puts angels in my life. I was going to be ok.  Wait a minute!! This is day 3 and I just started my treatment of 30 thirty days.  God Help Me!!!

Scary Week

Early meds

My first week at Emory was touch and go, but because of the incredible team of healthcare professional I had, all was going well.  I was in a good place.  I was facetiming one of my girlfriends like we normally did when she thought I was mumbling too much.  She could not understand my words but I know I was making sense.  I called the nurse who seemed confused as well as to what I was trying to say.   The nurse spoke to me calmly and then called in on her phone.  A few doctors came in and started asking questions that I thought they already knew.  Apparently I had a mild heart attack and thank heavens I was on the phone at the time and had the good sense to call the nurse.  Once again it proved that my angels on earth and heaven was looking out for me.  The doctors stopped the chemotherapy until they found out what caused the heart attack.  It may have been the cocktails or just the illness.  I was happy to be alive.  This meant I had a few more doctors added to my team.  More and more tests were being conducted.  I was now equipped with a Holter to monitor my heart activity.  This was getting scary as I was relieving my mom’s final days with her illness.  Although she had stage 4 lung cancer, she died from heart failure.   So now I was closely being monitored and getting scared.  My Atlanta family came to visit and brought home cooked meals but I had no appetite.  The hospital food was not that bad either.  My nurse Miss K kept on coaxing me to eat “as the chemotherapy will cut off your appetite so eat as much as you can now” I can still hear her words.  I was just happy that my first week was good.  Some new doctors came to see me two days after the heart issue.  They started with the same questioning and then chit chatting.  Well low and behold, my tests showed signs of a stroke.  I corrected the Doctor and said you mean the heart attack?  He said no, the stroke. God almighty!!  I think my body is in shock.  In one week I was diagnosed with cancer, suffered a heart attack and now signs of a mild stroke.  The doctor had to give me time to digest this because it was really too much to handle.  Why is all this happening to me? I am not even a terrible person, why me?

Decorated Room with a View

Decorated Room

My room was beginning to close on me during the second week. I was tired, the bleeding had finally stopped and I needed sleep.  Fay and Kashima came to visit and decorated my room.  It was the most considerate thing that I never expected.  They brightened up the room beautifully and after it was completed I broke down and cried so much. It was just so kind of them to take their free time and make my room feel calm, a much needed feel good.  Two days later I was able to be transferred to a room with a view.  There is actually a waiting list for those rooms but again, I am truly blessed with great friends. They met with the nurse just when a room with a view became available.  I was transferred and all my décor to the room with the view.  I was now able to see the Emory campus, a beautiful garden, people walking outside and not just a grey wall.  Never appreciated a view so much.  My other girlfriend collected photos of Eli and made 10 x 10 copies and plastered it all over my room.  Another emotional gesture.  She told me whenever I open my eyes, I will see my Eli and will get the strength to get better. I think that worked because I had another barrage of tests for my heart and brain and it was looking good.  My signature was tested every day before and after the chemotherapy, and it looked the same.  I was getting there.

Being in the hospital for thirty (30) days was really a task.  The days seemed even longer than the nights especially when you can’t sleep very well.  The chemotherapy was working and it had killed the good and bad cells in the body.  Now we were just waiting for my cells to grow back. Waiting and waiting. Some of the side effects includes, skin irritations, dry mouth, black finger and toe nails, loose stools, vomiting, tiredness and I had all of it.   The only side effect I did not have yet was losing my hair.  My hair was still holding on after two and a half weeks of chemotherapy but I felt like crap.  My immune system was very low and everyone who visited had to wear masks.

I was craving for a shower, a nice warm shower but I could not as I was carrying the heart monitor plus a port.  I spoke to my favorite nurse Miss K and she assisted me in getting that well needed shower.  She called the cardiologist and asked if she could put the machine off for a while.  He agreed, so she took off the monitor, covered up my port and helped me in the shower. So after almost three (3) weeks in the hospital, I had my first awesome shower. It felt so good and it was what I needed, I felt rejuvenated. The rest of the time went by quickly and I was able to sneak a shower every other day.  I had lots of visitors and was able to see my baby on Sundays in the hospital lounge.  I had lots of people praying for me and my priest brought me holy communion on Mondays so I did not miss church service.

I was truly blessed to have the great friends and family in my life at the time I needed it most.  The support given was truly amazing and it certainly helped my healing.  Cancer is not always a death sentence but from my experience, it is not just medicine that helps you heal.  Prayer and support from family and friends is as important as all the medication being administered.  My thirty (30) days went by slowly but surely.  I never looked like the patient who had cancer, suffered a heart attack and a stroke because I had too much to live for.  My son Eli was home waiting for me and I would not disappoint him. Our God is an awesome God and yes he never gives you more than you can handle.  I was going to be discharged and I was looking forward to it.  Thankfully my hair was still intact, though but the doctors warned me, don’t get too happy.  I was scheduled to return to the hospital in fourteen (14) days, early May to continue my treatment while I visited the Emory clinic every Tuesday and Thursday for blood transfusion.  I was not completely out of the woods but was getting there, with God’s grace, prayer, family and friends support and the great medical staff at Emory.. Yes, I was still work in progress.

Home with myEli

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My Baby is coming Home

January 23 was the saddest day for my family, we laid our mom in her final resting place. It was alright in the morning because 24 hours later, we received the most beautiful blessing.  Our son Elijah was born.  My mom definitely did not want us to grieve too much or be sad. She sent us an angel. Elijah was truly a blessing to my family.  Our six pounds bundle of joy helped us grieve, we saw all the little signs in him.  I was a bit conflicted because I was so happy at a time when there should be sadness when I should be sad.  We were all beaming with excitement on the arrival of Elijah.  We just buried our mom and 24 hours later we were the happiest clan around. Are we terrible people? Am I going to be punished later?  We were not the only ones happy, the entire neighborhood had received the news and they too were ecstatic.  Elijah had the most aunties and uncles in the world and he was a mere few hours old.

I had so much to do, a new baby had arrived.  How would I manage with my job, my travels?  God never gives us more than we can handle.  I will cross that bridge when I get there. It was now time to learn all I could about raising a baby.  I had to absorb this training/knowledge in record time.  The nurse at the hospital taught me how to bathe Elijah so I can give him his first bath.  I had to prepare the water ensure it was the right temperature. What is the right temperature?  Apparently your elbow is a great judge of the ideal temperature for a baby. I had to undress him in sections, wash his face, his hair, while I held his ears back so water would not enter his ears.  I had to remove his diaper last and yippee!! His very first poop. He had his first bowel movement and my first thought was where did all that come from?  How can such a little body deliver such a humongous poop?  What was he eating?  The nurse showed again how to clean him and reminded me to always remove his diaper last when giving him his baths. This precious little human depends on me to do everything right for him.  There is no way I can fail him.  With God’s guidance and help from family, I know I will not fail him.

Elijah has Arrive.

Elijah came home two days after he was born on January 26^th, this was also my travel day back to GA. My vacation and bereavement days were over.  Wanted to stay longer but I had to return to work and also prepare our home in GA for Eli’s arrival. I had to go get everything a baby needed.   My sister Christine took care of him while my husband and I had to return to GA. We provided all his needs until I returned to see him very soon.  I spoke with my sister every day to check on Eli. He kept everyone up at nights but my sister was still on leave so she was able to handle the long nights.  She told me he ate like a grown child and slept like a baby, two hours at time, like clockwork.  After two weeks in GA, I could not stay away from Elijah. I headed back to St. Lucia to spend the weekend with him. My sister met me on the airport and she had my bundle of joy. Eli looked like he had put on a few ounces, the child loved his food.  He woke up every two hours and literally gave you three seconds to prepare his feed.  If his food was not ready he would wail so much, the nearest child services office would hear him.  Elijah was a blessing and healing for all of us because when we mentioned my mom, we were not sad but very happy.

On Sunday February 13, 2015, my little network of friends, my chosen sisters gave me a surprise baby shower. It was beautiful. I think it finally dawned on me that I was indeed a mother. They were so sweet to have thought of this.  It was really happening, I was a mom with a beautiful baby. My friends brought everything required for a party, all the food, cakes and of course lots of drinks. It was definitely a great get together.  My little Eli had his very first party. He received some great gifts however, he slept through the whole party.

Travel documents had to be organized for our bundle of joy. First his Saint Lucia passport and then travel to Barbados for his American documents. Everything worked out smoothly like it was supposed to. We had no hiccups, my mom was guiding us all. I know she had her hand in everything.  My husband went to Barbados from the advice of our friend Joy Boxill and sorted out all details with a little help from my angel on earth, Marie Ange. My sister Christine accompanied my husband and Elijah had his first trip out of the country, his very first plane ride. He was a happy baby. This was further proof that I have the best friends on earth.  All my friends had a hand in getting Elijah to the USA to his mom and dad.

The Big Day is Here

The big day arrived on March 19th when we got that call that his passport had arrived from Barbados. I was so excited, my Eli was coming home.  I left for Saint Lucia on March 20th to pick up Elijah. I was elated I would tell anyone who asked why I was smiling. I was literally beaming all day. On arrival to Saint Lucia my sister met me on the airport with Eli. The sweet little blessing from my mom.   We had tickets to return on March 23, almost two months after he was born. Not bad for a baby we knew nothing about. God answers prayers, please believe.  I was holding onto Elijah so tight and was ready to take on my mommy duties for the weekend.  My sister wanted to help because she said I looked tired and needed to rest.  I had been going like the energizer bunny work was keeping me occupied.  I told her I was good but a few hours later I asked her to help with Eli as I was just too tired to concentrate on him.  The weekend went by quickly, word was that Eli was leaving for GA with him mommy.  Everyone in the community came to bid farewell to our little Eli.  My son was well loved by all!!!

Monday arrived and we were all set to go.  I got my menstrual cycle and hated to travel when it was on but I was with Elijah and nothing would take my joy today. I was packed and ready with all my tidbits and my bundle of joy attached to me.  It dawned on me that I was traveling alone with a baby for the first time. The fear started creeping on me but it quickly disappeared as soon as I looked into those beautiful eyes of Elijah. He was counting on his mommy to take care of him and that’s what I planned to do.  I was very happy when I saw a friend checking in to the flight as well. I was even happier when I realized we were sitting next to each other.  Our God is an awesome God.  Flight went smoothly, Elijah was an angel. No one knew there was a baby onboard. He slept, ate and a few diaper changes. He was perfect.   My husband met us at the airport and our new adventure began.

My husband took the night shift so I could rest but there was no rest for me. Elijah woke up every two hours for his feeding but I was already awake because of menstrual cramps and heavy bleeding.  I was used to this because I have been going back and forth with anemia.  Tuesday came and I had a great day with Elijah. My husband took the night shift again and we had a good plan worked out.  Wednesday, Thursday and Friday was the same but my cycle should have been tapering down but it seemed to be getting heavier and heavier.   On Saturday I was relieved knowing that Elijah and his papa would spend the day together. I needed the rest. I started to wonder if I could handle a brand new baby because I had him for the first full week and I could barely manage. I was lethargic all week, could barely keep my eyes open but would not sleep. I was restless every day and night. Sunday morning came and I was feeling stronger. I made breakfast and bathed Elijah. I told my husband that I would not be able to make church service so he should take Eli.  He said they won’t go but they would stay with me while I rested. I tried to rest but could not sleep.

At 10:00am I told my husband I was not feeling right. I indicated that I was still on my cycle but it should not be so heavy.  He asked if we should call Emergency services, I said let’s wait. An hour later I told him please call EMS as I could not stand feeling that way again.  The Emergency services came and the paramedics spoke to me. I was feeling embarrassed because who goes to Emergency for their period? They took my vitals and told me I was ok and it was not necessary to go to the hospital. I believed them and went for a nap.  I had an appointment to see my gynecologist the next day so I would wait. The paramedics indicated to me that if I continue to feel bad, call them back and they will not charge me for the second call.

It was about 1:30pm, an hour and a half after the first call I told my husband please call EMS back because I don’t think I can take any more of that feeling. The same crew came and they strapped me on the stretcher.  My husband asked them to take me to Eastside Medical as it was a smaller hospital and the wait won’t be very long. The ride felt like forever but I must say the service was quick on arrival. I was taken to a room, asked a few questions vitals were done again and blood was drawn.  The nurse came to ask more questions and said that I would be admitted. My blood level was at three and a half and needed transfusion.   She read all the risks of getting a transfusion to me but all I heard was that things could go wrong when you receive blood. My girlfriends had just arrived and wanted to know what my options were.  Apparently it was to receive the transfusions or go home and die.  I just wanted to feel better because by now, I could not walk on my own. I was so light headed and tired I needed help to the bathroom. I was so relieved when she said she would start the blood transfusions.  I got nicked a few times because she just could not find a vein. The nurse literally pricked me three times on one arm trying to get a vein. She tried the other arm and then the first arm started to bleed.  I was livid, my friends were pissed because I already don’t have blood and there I’m shooting blood from my arm. It took her a while to stop the bleeding.

I was finally ready to start the transfusions. I was given pre meds and then the transfusions.  The Benadryl knocked me out because I woke up four hours later. My friends were gone and I was alone in the room.  I missed a few calls from my husband so I called him back to give him an update.  I was still very tired so I went back to sleep. I woke up the next morning feeling so much better. Oh my gosh, what a difference a day makes. Yesterday I was literally near death and today I was ready to take on the world.  I prayed and thanked God for waking me up and allowing me to go home to Elijah.  My son needed me and I had to go back to him. The doctor came in about 8am. He told me that my blood level was at about 8 so I am ok to go home. He asked me to see my family doctor and I told him I actually had an appointment today.  A few minutes later a nurse technician came to take me to another room. I told her that I was discharged, she indicated that I was admitted last night but the room was not ready it is now ready. She said I would be discharged from the room. I took my stuff and she brought me up. I was anxious to go home to my son. I rang my husband and told him to be on standby as I will be ready in a few hours.  The clock was ticking and I was getting mad. Finally another nurse technician came in to take my vitals.  I enquired as to why she was taking my vitals as I should be getting discharged. She retorted that she was just following orders. Lunch was brought in and I realized I had not eaten for almost two days.  I ate and laid in the bed for a while, I was still very tired and still had my cycle.  Finally the doctor called me. He said they found some abnormalities in my blood and I did not have a period. I said yes I did, it was the right day yup, I had my period. He said you weren’t passing menstrual blood but one of the hematologist will come see you.  You may have to spend the night. I called my husband and told him that I may have to spend another night because I may have to go through some other tests. I also indicated if anything changes Electra my girlfriend will pick me up.

Diagnosis. 

The hematologist arrived about an hour later.  He was quite nice, asked me how I felt, if I had any sores on my body, any open cuts, any bruises. I answered no to all and told him just a really bad period that wouldn’t stop.  He told me that they double checked, tripled checked and got second opinions and I had leukemia a type of cancer. I asked if he meant leukemia like cancer, yes that’s what I said.  I was receiving this piece of information on my own, what a bitter pill to swallow.  Was this how my mom felt receiving her diagnosis by herself? What a cruel world! Who is going to take care of my Eli. My mind was just flooded.  I had to be calm. I asked the doctor for a minute and he told me, he would wait as he knows that this is not the best news to give to a patient. I called my husband and gave him the news.  He was as calm as ever over the phone. He was home with Elijah preparing to come pick me and here I’m calling to say don’t come pick me up as I’m now diagnosed with cancer. He assured me that this was not a death sentence.

Our God is an awesome God. Elijah needs his mommy so we have to continue to pray. I called Electra and updated her as she was my back up ride.  The doctor returned to my room and continued speaking with me.  I was diagnosed with leukemia and they were not equipped to treat cancer at Eastside hospital. All arrangements had been made for my transfer to Emory, where a team of doctors and my nurse was waiting. Two months after my mom passed away with cancer, I was diagnosed with cancer. How the hell do I tell my siblings? They are still grieving, my baby is two months old, and how do I handle this? My world was crashing once again, but through it all I knew that God never gives you more than you can handle. My God was testing my faith. The journey continues…………

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It is said that time eases all pain. Losing my mom was indeed painful but I could not feel pain. I was so numb and confused because I did not understand what just happened. She went in for a simple checkup and never returned.

My mom passed about 12:30 pm and they finally came to get her to the morgue about 4pm. She was cleaned, taped and wrapped. It is so strange that she became the body as soon as her death was called. I kept on saying she is my mom and she has a name but this was routine for the hospital staff.

After she was ready to be taken down I was about to leave and then realized I did not know what to do next. I asked the nurse what’s my next step. She told me the body and I corrected her, my mom would be released to the funeral home in approximately two days. What funeral home? You have to arrange it. I have to thank my dear friend Odile Devaux who came to the hospital to be with me and stayed till I was ready to leave. Thankfully she was the sane one and told me that she would assist with finding a funeral home to work with.

Mom wanted to be buried in Saint Lucia so arrangements had to be made to take her back, plus she lived most of her life in New York and had an amazing network of friends and family there. I could not just take her to Saint Lucia without giving her friends in New York an opportunity to say good bye.

After Odile and her husband left, Ferrah came by and demanded I came over to her house. She did not feel that I should stay alone, however I needed some quiet time, wanted to stay in the apartment and hug my mom’s clothes and her photos and just be in her space. The house phone would not stop ringing from visitors. They all came to visit her at the hospital in the evening and was asked to contact family members. Most of her friends thought she had been moved and were shocked to hear she had passed. What could I say, I was still numb. We realized that the apartment was extremely cold and found out the heat was not working. The landlord said there was a problem and it would be fixed later, so that was the deal breaker for me. I went to Ferrah’s house after everyone left.

The following morning my girlfriend Evelyn Paul called me from Greece. Her exact words were she had a dream and my mom had asked her to pray with me and let me know all was well. The prayer was so fitting and I told her so. I then informed her that my mom had passed the day before. This was so profound because she did not know my mom had passed. I believed my mom sent me a message through Evelyn. She wanted me to know that she was ok.

My sister Christine arrived in New York the next day while Donovan, Gale and Janin decided to meet us in Saint Lucia. We had a funeral service to arrange. Odile was able to recommend a funeral home so we decided to make an appointment for the next day. We spent the night by Ferrah and my mom’s faithful friend, Trevor Maxwell came to pick us up in the morning.

Picking a Casket.

Our first stop was the funeral home, Frank J Barone. We sat and got ready to discuss why we were there. The words could not come out.  Oh my, I was burying my mom!!  Both my sister and I were inconsolable. The Funeral home director was extremely accommodating.  He asked me to take my time as he understands. I cried my heart out for a few minutes and then I prayed. I asked God for strength to do what’s best for my mom. I felt this calmness come over me and in my head the words Kel it will be ok. My mom was at my side, she was there to help me and strengthen me. She really was!

I was able to finalize all arrangements by God’s grace. We were going to have a service in the funeral home on Sunday January 11th and she would be transported to Saint Lucia on the following Tuesday. We then had to choose a casket. The toughest decision, once again the tears poured.  I had to compose myself again because someone had to make the decision. I felt she was right there by my side. We had decided that since her favorite color was lilac, a lilac casket would be most appropriate. As soon as I walked into that room, the very first casket was a beautiful lilac casket just perfect for my mom. I believe that my mom knew I was not strong enough to go through all the caskets and she made it easy for me. The very first casket was hers. I took a picture of mom’s casket and pictures of some others and sent to my siblings. They all said I should make the final decision but they liked the first one. The most difficult task became the easiest.

Picking her clothes.

I felt so relieved now the next step was getting her clothes. I had to get her a beautiful dress as her final outfit on this beautiful earth. What better place than her favorite shopping spot. My mom loved, loved a street called Pitkin. She always spoke about going to Pitkin to shop. This lady was in Pitkin every Saturday. At first I thought Pitkin was a store and then found out it was a street with lots of shopping. I had to get my mom clothes in Pitkin. Not Macy’s or Bloomingdales or Target but somewhere in Pitkin. I was lucky because my mom was guiding me. The second store we visited I found this beautiful two piece suit for her. The shop attendant coincidentally was from Saint Lucia. She was a great help. I got her stockings, shoes- yes I got her shoes. Flat ballet shoes worked perfectly. Picked up the under garments, hat and gloves. I felt happy because I know my mom would be pleased. I went to the house and picked up her pearl earring, necklace and her rosary. I felt that she was ready to meet her father. I asked the funeral home to trim her hair as it had grown too long while in the hospital and also her eyebrows needed shaping. Call me vain but she would want that.

Preparing the program

Having all clothes delivered to the funeral home, the next step was the program. We had two days to get everything done. I called my cousin Jean and she was absolutely amazing. We decided on the songs she loved and the readings etc. My mom was in her church choir and also a charismatic member so she was what we call a staunch Catholic. Jean took control of the program and we were blessed to have Father Theo Joseph for that service (a St. Lucian priest). When the program was ready I realized it had to be typed up to send to the printers. Odile to the rescue! She was able to type up the program, find the words of all the songs and send to the printers in record time. My mom had to be guiding me for everything to be going so smoothly.

I gave my sister the task of calling up all my mom’s friends to let them know of the funeral service details. I also placed it on my Facebook page for my friends. I continued to work with the printers because there were items missing in the program. I had to provide an obituary, I had to provide more songs and a poem and write the eulogy.

I was beginning to feel overwhelmed and called my husband for guidance and chatted for a while. He was coming in that evening to finalize all details and I was looking forward to it. I was able to finally complete the program. Once again, I was fortunate that the person I was working with was from where else? Saint Lucia. She was an absolutely wonderful person to work with. I told her what flowers my mom liked, her favorite color and we designed the program. Whew! So happy this one was in the bag.

While this is happening we had to empty my mom’s apartment. Now that was a task. We could not get rid of too much stuff because we would be serving refreshments at the apartment after the service. Did somebody say refreshments! Thank heavens for Odile, she told me don’t worry about anything. I gave her numbers and she had it covered. Apparently Hortensia Joseph and she had already decided to take care of this. I am truly blessed with such great friends.

My husband arrived and the next day we went to get items for the repast. We also had to return to the funeral home for final payment. Everything was in order, my mom’s body had been picked up the Friday and would be ready for the Sunday service. Her death certificate was ready and she was all set. We had to provide a burial date before the death certificate was issued. Agnes to the rescue, and a date was confirmed for the burial. Her flight arrangements was made and she was due to depart the following Tuesday. When I heard the flight arrangements the tears came flowing. My mom’s body would leave New York on January 13th, spend one night in GA and continue on to Saint Lucia the following day. This is exactly what we had planned while she was in the hospital. She would travel to GA and stay with me for a while and then fly or cruise to Saint Lucia. Isn’t this amazing? God listens. My prayers were answered, not the way I intended but God’s way. My mom did not suffer. She did not die alone, and I stayed by her side. She was ok.

Funeral Service

On the morning of January 11th I went to see my mom before the service. I wanted to be absolutely certain that she looked great. I arrived in the viewing room with a lump in my throat, I was not sure what to expect. Once I got closer to her, I felt a sense of calmness. She was in her casket looking beautiful. She looked and was at peace. I talked to her like she was there with me. I know she was listening because in my mind, I saw the smile on her face and I felt at ease.

The service was just what my mom would want. A true celebration of life. There were over one hundred friends and relatives who attended. Father Theo did a fantastic job and everyone said she was smiling. The most emotional part of the evening was after the service when so many of her friends, one after the other came to introduce themselves and told me what my mom did for them. “She took me in when I had no place to stay”. She took care of me and my new born baby for six months and never ask for a penny” I lived with your mom when I moved to NY and stayed with her for a year, she never took a penny from me. “She allowed me to work two days a week on her job so I can have some money”. My mom was my hero but hearing it from her friends, just brought the tears out. We went to the apartment for the repast and thanks to Odile and Hortensia, everything was set up and running. My sister Christine was not doing very well and she went to lay down. She woke up the next afternoon. I had to keep on touching her to make sure she was alive. I was just about to go take a nap when it dawned on me that we had to do this all over again when we lay my mom in her final resting place in Saint Lucia.

Saint Lucia

I know my mom did a great job with me because I have the most loving family and the greatest friends who have literally become my family. While I was in New York trying to work on the service and empty her apartments, I had a little army made up of Agnes Francis, Marie Ange Williams, Ingrid Millar and Angela Alphonse. Those ladies were and still are blessings. They literally took care of everything. Met with the priest, confirmed the funeral date, drafted the funeral program, helped me with the eulogy, prepared the death announcements and did whatever else that needed to be done. They just handled everything and once I arrived in Saint Lucia, there was very little to do. My sister and I had to purchase the tomb, meet with the priest to confirm details, arrange transportation, cater for the repast etc. It felt like organizing an event. My mom was always about family and friends and she got us all together. I know she was smiling and very pleased, she had her family together again.

Funeral and Burial

The night before the funeral the elders in the community came to our house to make wreaths and the prep the food. It was such a community event, young and old came to help. They cleaned and swept and sang for hours. The following morning the elder ladies were back at 5 am ready to start the cooking for the repast. They were catering for 300 people. I had never seen so much food before. The entire community was involved in this funeral arrangement. They brought food, cases of chicken, fish, pork, ground provisions, drinks and cakes and cakes and more cakes. We had enough food to feed 500 people after we were done. It was amazing to see how everyone came together to give my mom her celebration of life. My mom had a beautiful send off.

Her funeral was exactly what she would want. The music, songs of praises, and all the songs she loved. She had an absolutely beautiful service in a church filled to capacity. Everyone who knew her from a child to the person she was before she passed came to bid their farewell. I know she was pleased and smiling seeing she brought everyone together. We were in pain knowing that we would never see my mom again. My sister Gale had not seen mom before she passed and she had a hard time dealing with it. I think we all broke down at the graveside knowing that this was it. She is never coming home, she will never be at the family reunions that she so loved, and she will never be calling me again. A little part of me was ok that she never suffered. God don’t let his children suffer and he took my mom so she won’t suffer from cancer. My mom was laid to rest in her final place at exactly 4:15 pm. The casket was lowered and closed. A chapter in my life was closed. A piece of my heart went with her.

Blessing

The next morning the elders were back at 6:00 am as they came to clean up after the repast. The community was amazing and supported us 150%. It just reminded us of how wonderful a person my mom was. It reminded us that she did a great job with her kids because I have the most amazing friends who was there to support us every step of the way. It showed that no matter what, your family is your family and will always be there for you. While the elders were cleaning and chatting I just happened to join in a conversation. I acted upon the details heard and at exactly 4:15 pm, exactly 24 hours after my mom was laid to rest, my beautiful son, Elijah David Clarke was born. My mom knew how much we wanted to have a baby and I know in my heart she did this. I came home to bury my mom and I left with a blessing, a six pound bundle of joy. A new chapter in my life had started. Our God is an awesome God, my mom’s favorite song was playing my head. The journey continues!!!

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